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So, tomorrow is costume day at Blake.
I was really hesitant to post this journal because I'm afraid my Blake friends will yell at me for being lame, but I've been really stressed about this day for weeks.
Farquhar was different. I had friends on my bus and in all my classes, we were the oldest, we could do whatever we wanted, our out-of-placeness was heavily established, and I'd done it a million times before.
At Blake, I'm the youngest. I have no friends on my bus or hardly any of my classes. I can't do whatever I want because my out-of-placeness isn't established at all. Not to mention this will be my first time cosplaying at school.
I feel really obligated to cosplay since it's costume day and all you guys will be doing it, but... well, I just don't want to show up to school like that. The only reason I cosplay is because I do it with friends in an environment where I feel okay.
This is.. totally different.
I'm just not that outgoing. I may have come off that way in eighth grade, but it's being suppressed again.
Blake is welcoming and all, but it's not the same.
Please don't yell at me if I don't show up in costume. And if I do, I'll probably bring the costume into school and change there. It'll be Rei or something like that.
I'm sorry, I really am.
It just makes me kind of sick to the stomach thinking about showing up to school in costume. I won't do something that makes me uncomfortable and I feel indirectly pressured by you guys to be crazy and out there and everything...
It's not your fault. Just please don't yell at me, or I think I'll cry or something. Please try to understand that I'm not outgoing at all. In fact I'm very shy. Please don't get mad at me.
See you guys tomorrow.
I was really hesitant to post this journal because I'm afraid my Blake friends will yell at me for being lame, but I've been really stressed about this day for weeks.
Farquhar was different. I had friends on my bus and in all my classes, we were the oldest, we could do whatever we wanted, our out-of-placeness was heavily established, and I'd done it a million times before.
At Blake, I'm the youngest. I have no friends on my bus or hardly any of my classes. I can't do whatever I want because my out-of-placeness isn't established at all. Not to mention this will be my first time cosplaying at school.
I feel really obligated to cosplay since it's costume day and all you guys will be doing it, but... well, I just don't want to show up to school like that. The only reason I cosplay is because I do it with friends in an environment where I feel okay.
This is.. totally different.
I'm just not that outgoing. I may have come off that way in eighth grade, but it's being suppressed again.
Blake is welcoming and all, but it's not the same.
Please don't yell at me if I don't show up in costume. And if I do, I'll probably bring the costume into school and change there. It'll be Rei or something like that.
I'm sorry, I really am.
It just makes me kind of sick to the stomach thinking about showing up to school in costume. I won't do something that makes me uncomfortable and I feel indirectly pressured by you guys to be crazy and out there and everything...
It's not your fault. Just please don't yell at me, or I think I'll cry or something. Please try to understand that I'm not outgoing at all. In fact I'm very shy. Please don't get mad at me.
See you guys tomorrow.
well that was good
reading those older journals was a shit blow to my emotional status i deleted them please ask no further questions even though this journal is pretty much just a thinly veiled late-night shot at attention to pull together my life because i'm needy
fuckety
wH oOO boy has it been forever since i checked this page
probably gonna just sort of go back and delete personal journals so no one ever fucking finds them lmao
i aint dead but i sure aint in one piece pls read
AAAaaaayyy
It's been forever since i posted
i'm really not using dA much anymore, all my art is basically just going on my tumblr, that or im not posting it at all
so like tbh a lot of shit's going on in my life rn, to all my irl friends, i just need space. i have to sort a lot of things out and i don't want to get stressed/confused when i have this situation and also school. i need to focus on those two things primarily so if i ask not to be talked to it's not personal
gonna be making the same psa on my tumblr for all who need to see it
thanks for understanding
hes being so nice
im about to fuckin ramble so
just a heads up
we're talking a lot, i'm having a lot of fun. we relate easily. we text and kik a lot and meme each other on tumblr
ive never felt the need to gush about a guy's personality like this, but he's just really awesome and friendly and inclusive and every time we talk he's just so into it and ready to talk to me and he's hilarious and has such an adorable sweet personality and maybe he's not all that conventionally attractive but the more we talk the more i notice how amazing his smile is and how he can look firm while also looking concerned or soft and how he makes eye contact when he talks to me,
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wow Alice I'm soooo disappointed... that you went to Blake and not Sherwood. Actually no Blake is cool to have costume day. We had to wear class colors. Yay segregation!!!!